1.4.2020

MY NEW BINDER GOT HERE TODAY!!!!!!!!! ive been feeling like shit for the past like two weeks because my old binder gradually stopped working and ive had to wear bras its been really hard for me i hate it. i got home and my binder package was in the mailbox im SO HAPPY!!!!!!!!! im wearing it now under a baggy t-shirt and i can finally recognize myself in the mirror again!!!!!!!!


1.3.2020

i love being a bisexual catboy. time to take a shower!


1.2.2020

this entry is cancelled because youtube just recommended me a fanmade bakudeku pv to the song no children by the mountain goats and any time i try to have a thought about anything else it's impossible. i can't handle this. i don't mean this like i ship bakudeku and i love the pv. i'm having the opposite reaction. how do you look at a real piece of art and just

you heard the lines "i hope we both die" in a real song by a real band and you made it bakudeku you made this you sat down someone sat down and they drew every single frame of this video this took time this took effort

i literally can't handle this this is such a raw song about a toxic hateful relationship and someone heard it and was like "BAKUDEKU!" like im sure they were 16 years old but the effect produced is still so surreal

what if john darnielle saw this how would he feel what would he say

you took a song of a man pouring his heart out and you make a bakudeku pv to it

like i used to joke to myself that the mountain goats wrote this song about bakudeku because the idea was fucking hilarious i didn't think anyone would ACTUALLY

i can't handle this this is a real song and the person who made thi;s needs to apologize to the mountain goats righ tnow

like im not judging anyone i dont believe in cringe culture or else my site wouldnt exist but like the surreal effect produced by this video which i won't link because i don't want to hurt anyones feelings

i absolutely cannot handle this

just go on youtube and look up "i hope we both die bnha" youll find it

like a kid made it im sure theres nothing wrong with it but its existence has completely wiped out my cognitivev functions

i am NOT ovverreacting

i had a whole entry planned but i can't write that because this is the rest of my whole night now

john darnielle wrote the song no children about bakudeku

john darnielle wrote the song no children about my relationship with bnha

john darnielle wrote the song no children about my relationship with bakudeku


1.1.2020

WE DID IT, KIDS.

we survived the worst year of ALL TIME.

also hi, i haven't written in like. too many days. in fact, so long that the layout of this page has gone and changed itself completely on me. i like it. do you? it was inspired by some very minimalist diaryland layouts i've seen from people still updating their diaryland. i love that there are people doing that, it's very tender to me, and those cryptic, minimalistic diaries that i read cuts into my heart directly like a pastry.

so, let's play catch-up a little bit?

i got to spend christmas with c. last year at christmas, i was across the country with my family, struggling, and c comforted me by saying that we'd spend next christmas together. and, despite everything that's happened, we did. we made it. and i think that means we have something. does it look like a shining ball of light?

do i sound incoherent? i slept all day today. and i haven't written in a while. i think maybe something's wrong with me? i've been a little bit indecisive over the past few days. not terribly though. i finished my brilliant friend yesterday. i need to write some kind of review for it before i start my new books.

i'm very sleepy, i slept all day and i spent most of the day in c's arms. now i'm back in my room. c is the only person i see outside of being at my house, so i'm being responsible.

i'm very sleepy, i might go to bed early, tomorrow i'm going to try to clean my room and answer some emails and write my novel and hang up my new calendar, i'm very sleepy, i can't wait to go back to sleep.